How Do You Identify a Bully and a Victim? Bully: Has high self-esteem and a low level of anxiety or stress (although for some bullies, it is the opposite and they have low self-esteems and a lack of confidence) Is academically similar to peers (although, again, may be underachievers) Dislikes being caught, but does not feel genuine guilt about his/her actions toward the victim Is disrespectful of others (including authority figures, i.e. teachers) Sees bullying as fun for it satisfies a need to dominate Gets others (bystanders) to follow him/her. These bystanders do so to avoid being bullied themselves Lacking in social skills, tendency towards impulsivity and a low frustration tolerance. Not good at problem solving. Victim: Is vulnerable, isolated and often smaller physically Is less confident, more anxious and has lower self-esteem Has fewer friends and social support to rely on to come to his/her defense Tends to not fight back Tends to be quiet, shy and sensitive in temperament Though this is not the norm, some victims tend to show irritating and inappropriate social behaviour. These children tend to have poor social skills The Next Generation of Bullying Seminars The Problem: People know bullying is a problem. People know they should do something to prevent bullying. Many don’t. As a result, many children are becoming victims of bullying. These children often develop anxiety and low self-esteem. They may try to avoid school and social interactions. Many victims experience schoolwork problems, depression and a change in behaviour. These children can experience severe long-lasting psychological harm that can impede their social, academic and emotional development. History: The first generation of anti-bullying seminars taught people and educators how to define bullying, taught about the emotional effects of bullying and discussed what parents and schools can do if a child is being bullied or if a child is a bully. So what went wrong? (1) Key conceptual parts that help people take effective action were left out. (2) The same solutions were offered to everybody. (3) Essential skills were not adequately developed. (4) Problem solving was not addressed. (5) The natural resistance people have to change was not considered. The Solution: Before bullying even occurs, schools and childcare centers need to have prevention programs in place within the classroom. Our anti-bullying program covers the important material found in traditional bullying seminars and adds the missing pieces. The natural resistance to healthy change is considered, not ignored, so that participants can understand and overcome it. Causes of Bullying Family factors (i.e. modeling of aggressive behaviour at home) Individual factors (i.e. development of social skills and self-esteem is lacking) School factors (i.e. curricula and administrative policies and support Back to Workshops & Seminars Back to Family Support Network ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Susan Lieberman is in private practice in North York as a family therapist and public speaker. For more information, Call: (416) 512-6356. or Email: susanl@familysupport.net